


Keep Me Close

by Samunderthelights



Series: Zalex Week 2020 [7]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't copy to another site, Drinking to Cope, Drunk Confession, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heavy Drinking, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Underage Drinking, Zalex, Zalexweek2020, zalexweek2k20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25242754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: After Zach has spent yet another night drinking excessively, Alex goes over to check on him.--Zalex Week 2K20 : Day 7 - Drunk Confession
Relationships: Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall, Zalex - Relationship
Series: Zalex Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820161
Kudos: 62
Collections: Zalex Week 2k20





	Keep Me Close

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I can't believe we're on Day 7 already! I have had so much fun writing these seven little stories. I'm still fairly new to writing for the 13 Reasons Why fandom, so I felt a little nervous participating in Zalex Week, but it has made me write stories I would have never come up with otherwise. So yeah, I have loved this. 🌈💙  
> Xx

“Wait, am I being arrested?” Zach asks, not exactly sure what it is that he has done wrong. He knew he was too drunk to get into his car, so he had decided to walk home after the party instead.

He thought he had done the right thing, but when Bill Standall leads him over to his car, he tries to retrace his steps in his head. Surely he can’t be arrested for tripping over someone’s bike? He had set it back, and he didn’t think it had gotten damaged.

“Do I need to call my mom?”

“No,” Bill laughs. “You’re not in trouble, Zach.”

“I’m not?”

“I’m just making sure you get home safe,” Bill says, as he opens the car door for him. He gently shoves Zach into the car, before closing the door behind him and getting in himself.

“I take it you had a good night then?” he asks, a knowing smile on his face as he watches the teenager in the backseat fumbling to get his seatbelt on. “You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry,” Zach mumbles, embarrassed at having Alex’s dad seeing him like this.

“Just look out for yourself. We see too many kids ending up in hospital because they’ve been drinking, and I don’t want you to be one of them,” Bill says, before adding. “I’m sure Alex wouldn’t be too happy if something happened to you either.”

“I know.” Zach nods, staring out of the window as they drive off.

“It did him a lot of good, you know? Having you around after his... attempt.”

“Yeah?” Zach asks, but when there is no answer, he continues. “I didn’t do it just to help him. I liked hanging out with him, even when he told me to fuck off,” he admits, the drinking having removed any kind of filter he usually would have. “I liked him.”

“Good,” Bill laughs to himself, but Zach isn’t quite finished yet.

“I think it was even more than that,” he confesses. “it was like… every time I was with him I just wanted to… you know…”

Bill checks the teenager out in the rearview mirror, half-expecting him to be laughing, but he is still staring out of the window, a serious, far-away look on his face.

“I just wanted to love him, you know?”

“It sounds like you care about him a lot.”

“I do. A lot. More than a lot.”

Bill smiles to himself, doubting Zach will even remember telling him this in the morning. So he drives him home, saying no more of it.

“You look after yourself, Zach,” he says, after helping him out of the car.

“I will,” Zach says, trying his best to flash a smile. “Thank you, sir.”

He turns to go up to the house, but just as Bill is about to get back into his car, he turns back around.

“I love him, you know?”

“I know.”

-~-~-~-

Zach is still in bed, not wanting to get up after another sleepless night. But when there is a knock on the door, he figures it’s his mother, ready to tell him off for going out again.

“Come in.”

It’s not Karen who steps into his room though, it’s Alex, flashing a small, but worried smile.

“What are you doing here?”

“My dad sent me a text last night, telling me you’d been drinking again,” Alex explains, as he sits down on the side of the bed. “He’s worried about you.”

“Yeah, well… you can tell him I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

Alex looks around the room, which is covered in dirty clothes, empty pizza boxes, empty beer cans. It used to bother Zach, but once the mess grew too big, he had simply stopped looking at it.

“Why are you here, Alex? To tell me to get my shit together? Because if you…”

“I’m worried about you,” Alex says, an embarrassed look on Zach’s face. “You seem sad.”

“No shit, Alex! How am I supposed to feel, after what we’ve been through? What the fuck do you expect me to do, huh?”

“So you’re just going to drink yourself to death?”

“I am not… it’s not like that.”

“You drink to forget?” Alex suggests. “Is that it? How is that working out for you?”

“You have no idea…”

“What it’s like to want it all to just stop?” Alex asks. “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea what that feels like.”

“It’s not like that,” Zach tries again, but they have been friends for too long, and they know each other too well, so he knows that Alex knows that he is lying.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

“Right now?”

“No, tomorrow.” Alex rolls his eyes. “Yes, now. Come on, get up.”

Zach gets out of bed, and he rummages through a pile of clothes on the floor for a clean t-shirt, but when he turns around, he sees Alex standing on the other side of the room, his arms folded, an unimpressed look on his face.

“How about you go take a shower first? You stink.”

Zach stares at him, not sure if he should be offended or not. But when Alex nudges his head into the direction of the door, he can’t help but laugh.

\--

“Better?” Zach asks, after taking a long shower, and putting on the clean clothes he had found waiting for him when he had gotten out. But when he notices what has happened to his room, he stops in his tracks. “What the…”

“Don’t worry, all your stuff is still there,” Alex says, now sitting on a freshly made bed. The piles of clothes are gone, the garbage thrown out. It almost looks like a different room, and Zach can’t help but wonder how Alex had gotten all of it done by himself, but when his sister walks in, he sighs.

“You better keep it clean now,” May says. “I’m not doing it again, and neither should he. You should be able to look after yourself. You’re…”

“I know,” Zach quickly says, his head still thumping, and not willing to listen to his sister telling him off again. “Thanks.”

“Thank Alex.”

The two friends quickly leave the house, the fresh air definitely making Zach’s head feel a little lighter, but he can’t help thinking about what he had told Bill last night.

“What else did your dad say?”

“What do you mean?”

“Other than that I had been drinking?”

“Not much.” Alex shrugs, before adding, “Just that I was lucky to have you as a friend, which seemed a little odd, seeing as he found you drunk, stumbling in the street, but…”

“So he didn’t tell you anything I said, or…”

“No. Why?” Alex asks, a curious look on his face. “Anything I should know?”

“Maybe,” Zach sighs, not sure if he should keep his feelings to himself, as he has been doing for months now, or if he should finally come out with them. After all, he had told Bill last night, and the world hasn’t come crashing down yet, so what’s the worst that can happen if he tells Alex?

“You’re not sick, are you?” Alex asks, stopping in his tracks, the memory of Justin’s death still fresh on his mind, even after all this time. “Please tell me…”

“I’m not,” Zach quickly says. “At least not that I know.”

“Right. So what is it then?”

“I may have told your dad that I’m in love with you,” Zach blurts out, not sure how else to put it or how to soften the blow. He is waiting for Alex to freak out, to yell at him for fucking it all up, but Alex just laughs. “That’s funny?”

“You told my dad instead of me?”

“Yeah, well… I pretty much told you I wasn’t interested, didn’t I?” Zach says, feeling more and more embarrassed with ever second that goes by. “It’s not that easy, picking up the phone to tell your best friend ‘ _oh hey, by the way, remember that time you kissed me and I told you I wasn’t into guys? Guess what_?’”

“You thought it would be a better idea to get drunk and tell my dad instead?”

“Fuck you, Alex.”

Zach sighs, as he sits down on the sidewalk, still not sure if Alex even believes him or not. But then Alex sits down next to him, and he grabs his hand, a nervous smile on his face.

“You’ve done this before.”

“Done what?”

“Told me you’re in love with me,” Alex admits. “You got drunk a few months ago, and you left this message on my voicemail.”

“I did? I’m sorry, man, but I don’t remember calling you, or…”

“Because you were drinking, Zach. Just like you were drinking last night when you told my dad. Would you even have told me if last night hadn’t happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you seriously need to get drunk before you can say you love me?” Alex asks, looking more hurt than anything. “You know how fucked up that is, right?”

“It’s not like that. I wanted to tell you, okay?” Zach quickly says. “But I’m scared,” he admits. “I don’t want to fuck up what we have.”

“You’re already fucking it up, Zach.”

“Then let me fix it. Please,” Zach tries. “I’ll stop drinking.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“I’ll do it, okay? For you.”

“I don’t want you to do it for me, Zach. I want you to do it for you. Until then… I can’t do this,” Alex says. “Because I know I am about to lose you.”

The words hit Zach like a brick wall, and all he can do is sit there and watch as his best friend gets up and walks off. He wants to tell him that he loves him, that it’s going to be okay, but not a sound comes out. Because he knows that Alex is right.

-~-~-~-

It’s been months, and Alex hasn’t spoken to Zach since that morning. He had decided to step away, for his own sake. He could not stand by and watch Zach slowly but surely kill himself. It had been the hardest thing to do, and it had almost broken him, but in the end he knew he had no other choice.

“You look great, Alex,” Carolyn says, as she pulls him in for a big, motherly hug. “I am so proud of you.”

“I know, mom.” Alex rolls his eyes, trying to free himself from her grip, but she won’t let go of him just yet. “How have things been around here?”

“You know, same old same old,” Bill says as she steps into the room, Carolyn finally letting go of her son so he can give his father a hug.

But then Alex notices the extra place set at the table, and he looks into the living room.

“Is Peter here?”

“No,” Carolyn quickly says. “No, we ehm… we have a guest tonight.”

Alex tries to hide his frustration, because he has come home to see his family, not to spend the night with god knows who, probably some random neighbor his mother felt sorry for, or one of his dad’s colleagues.

But when the doorbell rings, and a minute later Bill steps back into the room with Zach, his frustration turns into a mix of both anger and relief. Anger that he has been set up like this, especially when his parents know that he had stepped away from Zach, but relief to see his best friend standing there.

“Hey, man.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Your parents invited me,” Zach explains, unable to hide his nerves. And for a moment when Alex sees his hands shaking, he wonders if he has been drinking, but when he gives him a once-over, it hits him how different he looks from the young man he had walked away from months ago. Zach looks healthy now, he looks fit again, and Alex can tell that he has been working out. He realizes that the shaking hands do not mean that he has been drinking at all, it just means that he is nervous, probably expecting to be kicked out or told off.

“It’s good to see you,” Alex finally says, and without hesitating, he steps up to him and he wraps his arms around him.

“I’ve missed you,” Zach whispers, closing his eyes as he buries his face into Alex’s hair, tears welling up in his eyes, it only now truly hitting him just how much he had felt like a part of himself had been missing these last months.

“We’ll leave you to talk,” Bill says, and he and Carolyn leave the room, wanting to make it more comfortable for the young men, but it only makes it more obvious that neither of them knows where to begin.

“I’ve stopped drinking,” Zach finally says, but when Alex just nods, he sighs. “I’m sorry, that I let myself get so fucked up. I wish I could go back and start over, do things different this time, but…”

“I know why you were doing it, Zach. That’s not why I walked away,” Alex says. “You get that, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“I couldn’t watch you kill yourself,” Alex explains, lowering his voice, fully aware that his parents are only in the other room, and they are probably listening in on every word. “I fucking loved you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You look better. Healthy.”

“I feel better,” Zach says, but when he sees the disbelieving look on Alex’s face, he flashes a small, reassuring smile. “I do, Alex. I wouldn’t have come here tonight if I was still in a bad place. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Why are you here?”

“Because I miss you, and I wanted to see if you were willing to give me another chance. I know I’ve messed up, but I need you, man,” Zach admits, but when he realizes that it sounds like he is here more for himself than anything, he quickly adds. “But I get it if you’re done with me. I just wanted you to know that I’m doing okay, Alex. You did that.”

“You did, Zach. I wasn’t even here.”

“You know what you did for me,” Zach says, and although Alex can’t help but feel like he had walked out on him, he knows what he means. “I still love you, man.”

Alex looks over his shoulder, not sure if he wants to do this with his parents listening in, but it has been too long already. Too much time has been wasted, and after the things they have seen, the things they have been through, he knows that it can all be over before you know it.

So he steps up to Zach, and he flashes a small, nervous smile, before leaning in to kiss him. It’s only a quick kiss, Alex still feeling a little nervous that his parents are about to walk in. But it’s enough to tell Zach how he feels, what it is that he wants.

“We’re going to be okay, right?” Zach asks, the smile on Alex’s face growing when he realizes how nervous he is. How he probably has no idea just how much Alex loves him, has always loved him. “I mean, I know we have a long way to go, but…”

“We’re okay,” Alex says, and as soon as the words have left his mouth, he feels something inside of him grow lighter, something which has been weighing him down for years. Because he did not think that he would ever say those words and truly mean them, yet here he is, for the first time feeling like things are truly okay. He had said the words, and there had been a glimmer of hope inside of him before, yet he had always been anxious about what was waiting around the corner to come at him next.

Not this time. This time he feels okay. Content.

He has hope again.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr : https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/


End file.
